Local prophet released to bars; county furthers restrictions to allow him to drink in peace
LANSDALE, PA> A few months ago we reported that local scene hype-man, Dave Heck, was on house arrest. Apparently Gov. Wolf thought that, “Ok, so if Dave’s locked down, ima lock down the whole county, wait, the whole state.” So that happened. Now, the current Pennsylvania government administration must have found out that Dave was released and was frequenting local drinking and restaurant establishments such as Margaritas and Round Guys Brewing Company. It appears that Gov. Wolf decided to roll back inside occupancy levels from 50% to 25% to ensure Dave got his favorite drinking seat. If the state wanted Dave to prophetically dictate how the COVID-19 precautions would go, they should just get him in office already. He’s already got a beard that makes literally everyone swoon, so he’d definitely be popular. Also, he’d probably tell Bobby to open this pit, I mean shit, I mean, county up.